cuti,cuti,cuti...and some experiences..

it's been a month of cuti and not much has been going on,i guess..baking almost everyday(carrot cake paling laku), kemas umah, lipat baju, sidau baju, masak n every other thing that's required of the anak dara yg cuti pnjg kt rumah..huhu..hey, i aint complaining!(actually i am;-p) but i hate it when my parents actually order me to do chores..its like,"hey!i wanna lipat bajula today" says myself. then jap lg my dad comes around and says "keena!lipat baju ni.." then tros xde mood nk buat..hehee..anak soleh gile bab..haha..

thank god,esok gi singapore!!universal studios!! In my lifetime up to this momentlah, i've been to universal twice.first time, when i was abt 5 yrs old in florida pegi skali disney world. second time, 10 yrs later we went to florida again, both Universal and Disney. and both times it was........AWESOME! eventho in a few hours ill only be going to the one in singapore and not US, for me it feels like a new chapter but old memories are refreshed in my mind. i like that feeling...i miss my childhood when i was growing up kt US and the only worry i had was what would barbie wear for the picnic with Ken.but i do enjoy life now too though...but there will always be ups and downs.life doesn't remain static and we keep growing older. thats why memories are so important to keep and to keep on making them.we'll see how the memory-making goes tomorrow huh?:-)

some experiences are new to me this year..like tonight, for instance. I just sorta realized that my mood or happiness now doesn't depend solely on myself anymore. There are other ppl in my life now that affect it..i'm not too sure if its a bad thing or a good thing...at the moment,it feels like a bad one. its like im freakin happy coz il be going to singapore in a few hrs, but then i know when i come back there'll be a nagging feeling abt someone im close to who i sorta fought with...huhu..i dont really like it.i dont feel as independent or strong as i used to.i feel vulnerable, and that's something i'm too familiar with and wanna try to avoid......but...despite all that, the reward of opening urself up to others and sharing ur life with loved ones, i admit, is probably worth all that trouble...it's hard sometimes,sure..but maybe, that vulnerability shows that ur heart has grown in order for others to be apart of it? doesn't that show that u've become stronger?

i dont know...

i used to think that instead of hurting urself or risking heartache or pain, play it safe and i'll be ok..but sometimes, it's good to shake things up a lil bit.taking a leap of faith every once in a while can surprise you..u just gotta be strong and say to urself............

'nah, you'll be ok'

and u know wat.....i just might be;-)

me time!

ever get the feeling like somehow, there's like a million ppl around you, but u feel things slowing down and feel like ur the only person really on the planet?(assuming im really actually a person, n not an alien life form from Mars like i'd always suspected....)

i've been used to being in crowds so much and always a group of people that i'd forgotten what its like to be just Salma Sakeena, and not "oh, that girl whose always with......." or stuck in a gang of people and feeling lost. i think sometimes we choose to be with certain people to feel safe and secure from the perceptions of those around us that judge and say "hey, whose that guy/girl?why is she always alone?doesnt she have any friends?..."

We don't hear the words but we feel them. Its like a stare coming from a person behind u in class. I'll admit, i've done this before. Some found it surprising that i feel insecure and all that craplah, but i do. But i've realized something that can only be gained through exprience(even tho it sucked)....that i don't need to assert myself in that manner. I don't need to join a group of ppl to make me feel complete. 1 or 2 dear friends who really care and stick by u are enuf in life. i guess im just not that type to care for being in crowds that much(plus the fact that i dont really know how to lyn org sgt..ehehe) I feel free to roam around and tegur those i've never even spoken to before and its awesome to feel that im not labeled as the gossip queen or or drama king/queen(at least i think im notlah haha).

So....the motto for me this semester would be 'Be with those u are comfortable with and those with genuine friendshipness(if thats a word;-))' and so far, i've been the happiest i've ever been.

and thats all that matters;-)

long time no write:-P

whoa!its been half a year since my last entry..gile lama..but seriously..i miss writing for myself.most of the time now im writing for assignments or essays and all that.i've forgotten how it felt like to just take a pen (or keyboardlah) and just write my thoughts down or what i'm feeling. and lemme tell ya, i sure ain't feeling writing abt the Federal Constitution of Msia and the conflicts of amendments! But writing that secures my future and i damn well want a happy one with lotsa success and money in it;-)

Lotsa stuff have happened since the past 6 months and im not sure if i should really share abt it on this blog or not. I hate it when i hear people fighting over what that person said about that person on a blog, or what that someone said abt him/her on his facebook status and all that crap. shit..get a life guys.i mean, its ur rite to write what u want on ur blog, but come on guys- u know ur expecting that person ur kutuk-ing to read it and feel that dagger to his or her heart.even if u were'nt, there's still that possibility!if u were so intent on using a blog as an 'outlet to ur emotions', then privitize or sumthingla.or even better, there's this thing called CONFRONTATION or TALKING ABT IT.when u do it on a blog and u have tons of readers, of course people are gonna read it and put two and two togther and figure out who it is.ur life no longer becomes ur own, but it seems like u live it for others. like how some people have lotsa attention bcos they know alotta gossip ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE (no offence to anyone in particular, tapi kalu ade terasa, ko la tu.hahaha...)

i get it that some people cant face problems face 2 face all the time.heck, im part of that group!but there comes a time when we gotta be mature. do we have to air it to the world to see and expose urself too much?do people do it so that their readers will have fun reading it, or becoz they actually crave approval from the crowd and standing ovations for the things that they did or say in blogs?

this is just an opinion of mine.don't like it, then don't read it.i dont give a damn:-)

more later abt life..huhu..

wonders of uitm shah alam

Dammit.thats the word i can sum up from being here in shah alam.compare it to kuantan and its like comparing a lamborghini to a basikal..weeell.maybe not THAT bad, but hey, exaggeration is encouraged in the world of literature,aint it;-)

Why do i say its that bad?Heres a list:

- everyone's freakin smart

- mall's arent that nice in shah alam(xde brands outlet ngan FOS kot!!)

- pushing and shoving on the bus is a WAJIB skill

- its crowded gile

- my room's hot!

- stuf's expensive

- takde TELUK CEMPEDAK nak overnight

- ABG SEKILAU dh takde

- lecturers seem unapproachable and scary

- subjects are hard

- for once, i feel that i might actually fail

- uitm SHAH ALAM berbukit bukau like MOUNT KILIMANJARO

the list can go on and on...but of course to make myself feel better, i must make another list of the pros rite!sigh...canlah.here goes:

- closer to home in jb

- near kl can jalang2

- got wider range of guys to CUCI MATA;-D hehe

- make more frens

- more variety in ppl and food

- got swimming pool and sports complex

even if i had 50 good stuf to say abt shah alam,itl never compare to Kuantan i guess. when your heart's in a place for so long,its hard to get it back and learn to like another.Watever it is, i gotta start kicking butt and do my best.

oh yeah, HAHA "comey" AND MUN lawa...requests dri bilik 30 MAWAR for cheap publicity in my blog..hehehe...

stupid stuff that happens when my sis is around..

My older sis Sarah was back for a week last week.UIA kejam gilee, cuti sminggu je kowt!isk3,so sad:-(

we went jalang2 around kl n perak n stuf, but the thing is when ur with ur sister,u cud sit tepi longkang and still have lotsa fun...not that thats what we dola ok..we're not THAT weird..lol..

so in kl, me n sare were walking around bukit bintang n just usha2-ing stuff jual tepi jalan n all n we stopped at this iranian restaurant cuz we were craving for grape leaves and baklava which is sedap nk mampos!so my dad asked the guy working thr if they had it b4 going in,and well, being me,a person deprived of being able to usha good-looking guys cuz in jb there aren't many!, i sorta give him a 2nd look.....ok2,maybe more like a 3rd n 4th look.he had like the most mancung-est nose ever!i cudnt help myself..it may be due to the fact that i have an exact opposite of his so jakun ckit kot.ANYWAY, i gave the special 'check-out-that-guy-but-don't-be-too-obvious-cuz-nnt-die-perasan' look to my sis....sheesh,i might as well have just turned her head to stare at him teros.she TRIED to make it look like nk cover line konon,but man,did she suck at it!she sorta made a half circular motion with her head n looked up to the sky while looking at the guy..then the guy started snickering n senyum2 kambing at her.talk about being inconspicuous!...he wasnt even hot,i just liked his nose..huhu..he prob got all perasan n bangga..oh well,maybe we made his day a lil brighter.dpt pahala..hehe..

next time,at bukit merah water park pulak, me n sarah were playing on the platforms and wood jungle set or sumthing like that.at the time,we were addicted to 'The Temptations-My Girl' and we'd break into the song anytime and anywhr.n i mean it..ANYTIME. So my lil sis, suhail, was with us n she ran off sumwhr in front of us to the giant mushroom that had water pouring over it so that it was like a huge umbrella.i started to voice the guitar part of the song "TENG..TENG,TENG,TENG,TENG,TENG,TENG!" then sarah went, "i've got sunshiiine...on a clooouudy daay,"...we started singing and dancing around the mushroom like lunatics.. No one was around so we were like 'aw,what da heck'....or so we thought....

me n sarah tgh syok sndiri doing our very own musical n playing cak2 peekaboo around the mushroom while singing rite n suhail was just watching us dari tepi..at least thats WHAT WE THOUGHT. I turned to my lil sis n was smiling my head off when i suddenly realized that it wasn't my "lil sis" that was staring at us like we were a bunch of...yes,lunatics. since when did suhail have sepet eyes and wear a 2 piece barbie swimsuit?(my sis was wearing a dark blue onepiece). more importantly, when did she switch races n turn into Chinese?.........

all i thought was..oh SHIT.this is EMBARASSING duuuuude!

i screamed for no reason (i tend to do that when im embarassed) n ran off n found my REAL sister standing at a different mushroom.

me n sarah cracked up for 10 mins straight.

aaaah,thats how it is when we're together:-)

Things i wish for..

I wish that......

I could've gotten an A in my law paper or a higher CGPA of 3.6 or 3.7..

I could be a better debater..

I had alotta money to splurge on..

I had a license by now!

I had a car(once i got my licencela)

I was beautiful and slim..

I will find my soulmate the first time i ever come into a relationship..

I will actually find "him" soon and maybe learn to love..

I had more courage to try pursue the one i like and the dreams i have..

I had better guitar playing skills..

I believed in myself more and not doubt my capabilities..

I had a more rajin brother!

I had learnt to play the piano and read music of Beethoven or Bach..

I will one day publish a novel or book internationally known..

I will lead the life of my dreams...

.........i wish that i could learn to appreciate what i have in life now than to wish for better things, because its what we make of what we already have that makes life the best.

1 month gone..

It's been more than a month since my last post..i guess i kinda lost my interest in blogging abit since then.it just doesn't feel the same as writing in a diary i guess.abit impersonal perhaps? but then there's always the argument that u can always privatize it n all that shit..i guess i could but then,sharing what u think and feel to others around u even if ppl dont read ur blog does have a certain charm to it as well;-)

i can't open up much tho.i don't think i can share certain feelings that are private.i don't like the feeling of being so transparent in front of others. Being read like an open book, where people know who u are just by looking at you or reading ur blog. I still prefer the act of meeting up with ppl and having a long conversation with full eye contact. Im kinda weird i guess, i can't talk to sum1 who doesn't look u in the eye when their talking. Eye contact is so underrrated!

It's not very often that u get this warm feeling and u feel a kinda happy glow when u talk to sum1.if that happens to me with a guy,yep, he's a keeper!hehehe..i really appreciate sum1 who can look into ur eyes and see u, instead of just hearing u or knowing that ur there..

God did make eyes for human for a reason, didnt he? (xcept that of course we'd look weird without them n we'd be bumping into alot if we couldn't see)

so why not use them to the fullest and see things deep to the core?